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April 6 - 15, 2005 
 

This Week's BlogTopic: Did Jacko Do It?

 

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Culkin Says Being "Home Alone" With Jacko "Pretty Scary"

Actor Macauley Culkin now says that being "home alone" with singer Michael Jackson was indeed "pretty scary," despite previous denials of impropriety on the part of the embattled pop star, who is now standing trial on child molestation charges.  Culkin says those famous mugs that he once sported in his hit films were developed while staying at Jackson's Neverland ranch, and suggested that many of the booby traps used in the Home Alone films against Joe Pesci were originally designed to prevent Jackson from bothering Culkin in the middle of the night.  A Jackson spokesman denied Culkin's claims, dismissing them as "the rantings of an embittered ex-child actor with no career."  Culkin countered, "It may be true that my career has stalled -- but he's still a 46-year-old man who likes to sleep with young boys."  

New Dana Carvey Character A Big Fan Of Ann Coulter's

A brand new character developed by comedian Dana Carvey is said to be a big fan of outspoken conservative columnist Ann Coulter, according to a new report out of Los Angeles.  The new Carvey character "Gladys," who is purportedly the horny bisexual sister of the Carvey character "The Church Lady," is said to follow the controversial Coulter around from book signing to book signing, repeatedly positioning herself in the front row so she can get Coulter's attention.  At book signings in Philadelphia and Jacksonville, Gladys reportedly even slipped Coulter her phone number and invited her out "for tea."  A spokeswoman for Coulter called the whole thing "just plain weird..."

New Underwater Soccer League Thriving

The Underwater Soccer Association (USA), which almost went belly up after a rough financial start in 2002, is reportedly thriving and may even turn a profit in 2005, league officials say.  "It took some time for the concept to catch on," said USA spokesman Jacques Strapp.  "People were used to a low-scoring, fast-paced game played on grass, as opposed to a low-scoring, slow-motion game played on plankton."  Strapp attributes a good part of the USA's appeal to the emergence of defending champion Coral Reefs leading scorer Seahorse (pictured above), whose uncanny kicking accuracy and good European looks have made him the latest in a long line of soccer sex symbols...   Strapp also said the USA is considering adding two new expansion teams for the 2006 season:  The Pacific Ocean Moray Eels and The Loch Ness Monsters...

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