September 11, 2001

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


"Political Site of the Day!"
               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

  Bush Outlines Plan To Eliminate Snow in 2nd Term

U.S. President George W. Bush laid out an ambitious agenda for his second term on Thursday, including his desire to
"eliminate snow" and other forms of bad weather from the planet.  Bush, who plans to enlist the assistance of God in the effort, says that "for some, snow might look nice or is fun to play in.  But for the vast majority it is simply a nuisance" and thus should be eliminated.  Opponents were quick to denounce the president's words.  "How the hell am I ever going to get to the Olympics?" asked cross-country skiing champion Jean Claude Whitehead. "If (Bush) has his way, I'm going to look like an idiot out there, walking along on these stupid skis on the grass or the concrete..."  Democrats in congress also were critical of the plan.  "We don't need to get rid of snow -- we need to make more snow.  Therefore, I propose a 12% tax increase across the board," said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.  

NEWS FLASH: More People Voted In "See Span Run's Most Irrelevant" Poll Than Will In Iraq Election

John Kerry has been named "The Most Irrelevant Person, Place or Thing for 2004," winning a plurality of the vote with 37.5%.  "Daily Tracking Polls" were next with 25%, followed by 12.5% each for "Sex in the City," "The Sept. 11 Commission," and "The Abu Ghraib Prison Scandal."  What is shocking about the results is not that Kerry won (even though getting over 57 million votes on November 2 might make him seem very relevant) but that more people voted in this poll than will in the upcoming Iraq election on Jan. 30... (Click Here to see accompanying story)

Harvard President Apologizes To "Those Dim-Witted Sluts"

Harvard University president Lawrence Summers, under heavy criticism by several distinguished female professors for saying that women may be less able than men to succeed in math and science careers due to genetic differences, has apologized to "those dim-witted sluts," according to a spokesperson for the university.  "Dr. Summers believes in diversity," said spokesperson Ivy Nottingham.  "He is committed to diversity, and he supports diversity -- and he told those dim-witted sluts as much." 

Dan Rather To Continue Reading News After Retirement

CBS news anchor Dan Rather may be stepping down from his anchor chair in a few months, but that doesn't mean he will stop reading the news, according to friends of the newsman.  "I've been reading the news on television for over nearly twenty-five years now," Rather allegedly told his friends.  "And I will continue to read the news -- just not on television, that's all."  CBS News president Andrew Hayward was reportedly relieved.  "When you have a God-given talent of reading the news like Dan has, then you should continue using that gift to your fullest - even if you're not getting paid for it..." 

Smarts Might Protect Against Suicide

 No -- really!  Check it out:

http://www.betterhumans.com/
News/news.aspx?articleID=2005-01-21-1

ADVERTISE HERE 

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