• BRAND NEW!!! George Clooney: The Latest Cloning Experiment Gone A Wry!

• ALSO NEW!  The Most Irrelevant Person, Place or Thing for December

• SEE SPAN BLOG

This Week's BlogTopic: If We Believe In Freedom of Religion, What's The Problem With Christmas?

ALSO... 

• See Span Lie Down -- Cartoons

September 11, 2001

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


"Political Site of the Day!"
               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

  Bush Decorates White House Christmas Tree With Gary Coleman

Africans Seek Restraining Order
on BandAid  
"We Don't Even Celebrate Christmas!" Tribal Leaders Argue

Tribal leaders in several famished African villages are calling on members of the British musical charity group BandAid to "stay the f__ away from us," according to reports from Peace International magazine. As a result, a restraining order is being sought against the superstar group, who 20 years ago issued the anthem "Do They Know It's Christmas?" in an effort to bring relief to the African continent.  Dikembe Montigo, leader of a tribal village near the Sudan, which has been decimated by civil war recently, had personalized messages for several of the musicians:  "To George Michael we say: We don't need a father figure - we need food, damnit! To Bob Geldolf we say: Send some of those Boomtown Rats our way!  To Simon LeBon we say: Stop wearing your sister's scarf!  And to Boy George we say: Oh, you baked it? Well, we've suddenly lost our appetite!"  Meanwhile, Mugo Kumbazambi, a tribal leader in a small, drought-stricken village near Chad, said through a translator: "We don't even celebrate Christmas -- we celebrate Kwanzaa," said Kumbazambi, eyeing a gazelle that was grazing in a nearby field.  "These sissy white men with all their jewelry and lip gloss ride around in their limousines, singing songs about whether or not we know if it's Christmas time -- don't they know we don't care if it's Christmas time?"  With that, Kumbazambi grabbed his spear and charged after the gazelle, who glanced up at him, waited until he was about twenty-five yards away, then sprinted away, shaking its ass in the process...

George Clooney Sentenced In Laci Peterson Case

Actor George Clooney was sentenced yesterday in connection with the Laci Peterson murder trial, mere days after his twin, Scott Peterson, was sentenced to death for committing the crime.  It is unclear what role, if any, Clooney had in the case, but now the former ER star has to choose between two forms of punishment: enrolling in drama classes or having lunch at the White House with President Bush...  Clooney's lawyer, Andrew Tort, said the sentencing was far too harsh, particularly considering the fact that Clooney has never been charged with anything other than being overpaid... 

Crime Alert: Santa Claus WANTED In Seven Blue States

Law enforcement officials in New York, California, Oregon, Washington, Massachusetts, Maine, and Rhode Island are conducting a multi-state manhunt for Nicholas Kringle, a.k., Santa Claus, who is being sought for breaking-and-entering in thousands of homes, where he allegedly left presents, egg nog, and a "Kerry Sucks" sticker for Little Suzie.  "On behalf of our brethren in the other affected states, I can promise you that this sinister, evil felon will be brought to justice," said New York City police commissioner Raymond Kelly, who is not subletting former commissioner Bernard Kerik's Battery Park apartment, despite reports to the contrary.  Kringle is allegedly seeking asylum in Terry Haute, Indiana, where he hopes to give Little Larry a new basketball in the coming days...

ADVERTISE HERE 

Help Is On The Way!

Priceless!

Dick Fitzgerald Honda
Just Ask For Dick!

Sodee Pretzel Rods
They're Straight Delicious!

If You See An Opening, Go For It!

At Lenscrafters
We Can't Guarantee Miracles

Bob Dole Has A Bone To Pick With You!

The Eddie & the Cruisers of Comedy!

Martha is Back!
Weekdays at 4 on
The Prison Channel