See Span Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
November 25 - December 3, 2004
This Week's Topic: Who Do YOU Blame For the Basket-Brawl Between The Pacers and Pistons?
ALSO...
LAST WEEK:
"Phyllis
Diller Seduces Eagles WR Before Practice"
LAST
YEAR:
"Straight
'Doggy-Style' Activists Protest Omission From Macy's Parade"
RIP: Rodney Dangerfield
"My
wife -- she never wants to smoke a cigarette after sex. She
says one drag is enough."
September 11, 2001
What the
Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:
"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and
worth checking out."
--NBCi
"Political Site of the Day!"
--Aboutpolitics.com
"A total piece of shit!"
--Sharon H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
Mentally disturbed Indiana Pacers forward Ron Artest, who has been suspended for the remainder of the NBA season for charging into the stands and punching a fan who did not throw a cup of beer on him, sees a silver lining to his not being able to play any more this season: he can now focus 100% on promoting his new rap CD, entitled "I B Nuts." In a statement released to the press, Artest said, "Although I regret punching the wrong fan, and regret the possibility that some children now might think I'm a crazy motha-fucka, I am pleased to be able to finally have some time to tour the country, promoting my CD, and punching a few more fans who didn't throw a beer cup at me..."
Seeking More Objectivity, CBS Announces Rather's Replacement
In a move designed to "return objectivity to its reporting," CBS has decided to hire Mohammed Saeed-Sahaf -- a.k. "Baghdad Bob" -- to replace controversial anchorman Dan Rather, who is stepping down after 24 tumultuous years at the network. CBS News president Andrew Heyward said it's time for the network to build bridges between its liberal base and (slightly) over half the rest of the country. "We have a new mission statement here at CBS News: "If you can't forge em, join em." Rather, who couldn't be reached for comment, was said to be pleased with the decision. Saeed-Sahaf, who also earned the nickname "Comical Ali" for his televised press conferences declaring that Saddam Hussein's forces were winning the war as American tanks rolled past in the background, is said to be gratified at the opportunity to join the network. "Now the truth will be exposed -- those were computer-generated American tanks!!! The Baathists are winning!"
Bush Passes on Iraq This Thanksgiving, Says It's "Too Dangerous"
President Bush is denying allegations from Democrats that he chose not to go to Iraq this Thanksgiving because the election is over and his re-election secure. Sources close to the White House claim that Bush opted against going this year because "he didn't feel like dealing with all the holiday traffic." When reminded that Iraqis don't celebrate Thanksgiving, the source then recanted that explanation and confirmed that the real reason Bush didn't go was because it was too dangerous. "It's like a war zone over there," the source quoted the president as saying...
Priceless!
Dick Fitzgerald Honda
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Straight Delicious!
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