See Span Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
September 3 - 10, 2004
This Week's Headline You Might Have Missed:
The economy added 144,000 new jobs in August
BRAND NEW!!! The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) or Event(s) for September
ALSO...
Bruce Springsteen: The Latest Cloning Experiment Gone A Wry!
The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) for 2003!!!
LAST WEEK:
"Karaoke
Winner To Perform At GOP Convention"
LAST
YEAR:
"God
Adds 11th Commandment; Thou Shalt Not Live in Alabama"
FOUR YEARS AGO:
"GOP Hit With Late Fee For Failure To Return Minorities After Convention"
The 100 Most Irrelevant Figures of the 20th Century
Got Something
To SAY? Say it
HERE
September 11, 2001
Get Well Soon, Wild Bill
What the
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Cyberspace Surfer
Democratic presidential contender John Kerry, unable to shake allegations that he exaggerated his service in Vietnam, has released a new campaign theme song he co-wrote with the late Beatle John Lennon, called I Am The War Hero. (Click BELOW to See Lyrics)
I Am The War Hero
Cheech Moran Addresses Opium Workers Union
Independent candidate Cheech Moran, in an address to the Opium Workers of the Middle East yesterday, declared that he and his running mate, Senator Tommy Chong, have a "secret plan" to help the economy in such nations as Afghanistan, where the opium industry is under international scrutiny for its questionable business practices. "Shhhhh!" said a glassy-eyed Moran in a loud whisper when asked by one union member what his secret plan entailed. "It's a secret..."
Move Over, Heather: New Jersey Has Two Governors
Heather, the little girl with two mommies, has nothing on the state of New Jersey, apparently. The Garden State, wrestling with its umpteenth political scandal of the past few years, is coming to grips with the fact it has two governors -- one, a happily married father with two children and the other, a hedonist who feels more at ease under the twirling lights of a disco ball. However, even if James McGreevey put his favorite barn yard animals on the state payroll it wouldn't be as bad as the corruption charges mounting against him and his administration...
New Poll: Bush Twins Hot, Ditzy
- See Campaign 2004
Zell Miller Denies Link To Mr. Ziffel
In the aftermath of his controversial speech at last week's Republican National Convention, Georgia Democratic Senator Zell Miller steadfastly denied any ties to the notorious Mr. Ziffel on Green Acres. "That's the biggest bunch of old hogwash I ever did hear," drawled Miller, who insists that he hasn't left the Democratic Party but that the party has left him. A spokesperson for Ziffel, Arnold the Pig, snorted, "No comment," when asked about the allegations...
Dick Fitzgerald Honda
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Sodee Pretzel Rods
They're
Straight Delicious!
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