See Span
Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
June 25 - July 16, 2004
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This Week's Headline You Might Have Missed:
Bin Laden Family Disowned Osama Years Ago
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BRAND NEW!!! The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) and Event(s) for July
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ALSO...
YEAR:
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September 11, 2001
What the
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"A
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Cyberspace Surfer
Bin Laden Attends "Fahrenheit" Premiere
Osama bin Laden made a dramatic appearance at Friday's premiere of Michael Moore's new documentary Fahrenheit 9/11, and even stopped to pose for a few photographs with the un-biased, level-headed film director. The al Qaeda leader reportedly sat next to Moore through the entire movie, nodding his head in agreement repeatedly at the scenes depicting the "well-documented" connections between President Bush and himself. At the film's conclusion, while the audience of mainly former Vietnam protesters stood and applauded for five continuous minutes, bin Laden reportedly said to Moore, "Nice job," before exiting out the back door of the theater into an alley, where he promptly activated the timing device to a radiological bomb designed to blow up the theater, Michael Moore's fat ass, and whatever 5,000 other Americans of all political persuasions happened to be in the vicinity...
Defiant Saddam Dares World To "Pull His Finger"
Moore's Twin Brother Doesn't Share His Politics
Michael Moore's twin brother, who lives on a farm in rural Michigan near the old Terry Nichols compound, does not see eye to eye with his brother on the subject of politics, and indicates that the filmmaker is out of step even with his own family: "Mooooooooores don't act like Communists," said Marty Moore in an interview with Guns magazine. "Real Mooooooooores love their country. Real Moooooooooooores don't do things that indirectly help terrorists. Real Moooooooores are first and foremost Americans." Marty then abruptly giggled when a farmer stopped by and grabbed one of his utters...
Alfred A. Knopf To Re-issue Clinton Book With New Title: "Always Blame Others"
Despite the fact that former president Bill Clinton's new memoirs are flying off the shelves at an amazing pace, the book's publisher, Alfred A. Knopf, is planning to re-issue the book with a new title: "Always Blame Others." When asked why they would mess with a good thing, a spokesman for the publisher, Ike Kinreed, said, "People are saying this might be one of the best 'self-help' books ever written, even if the only 'self' involved is President Clinton... So we thought a more appropriate title for the book would be very appealing to the large 'self-help readers' market which, after this current initial sales splash subsides, will help sustain sales for years to come." When asked what he thought about the proposed new title, Mr. Clinton scowled and said, "See? Even my publisher is out to get me."
Kerry Says He Won't Resume Campaign As Long As Poll Numbers Continue To Improve
- See Campaign 2004
