See Span
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April 1 - April 9, 2004
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September 11, 2001
What the
Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:
"...
a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth
checking
out."
--NBCi
"Political Site of the
Day!"
--Aboutpolitics.com
"A
total piece of shit!"
--Sharon
H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
Neighbor of Shaggy Complains About Computer-Animated Dog Poop in his Yard
The next-door neighbor of Matthew Lillard, the actor who plays Shaggy in both Scooby Doo movies, filed a complaint yesterday with Los Angeles police saying that Lillard does not clean up the computer-animated dog feces left around his yard. In a statement to the media, the neighbor, Ben Dover, said: "After many failed attempts to get Mr. Shaggy, er, Mr. Lillard to clean up the computer-animated dog excrement and at least put it in the recycling bin -- or delete it altogether -- I regret to say I must take this action. My yard is starting to smell like an outdated version of PhotoShop, and my kids keep coming home with virtual feces on their shoes." In his complaint, Dover asks authorities to remove the PhotoShop software from Lillard's computer hard drive. Lillard, meanwhile, also issued a statement to the press: "Like, this is much adieu about nothing. Now it's, like, time for me to head to the ice cream store for a Scoobylicious ice cream sundae!"
Richard Clarke Criticizes Bush For Calling Him "Dick"
Kerry Denies Vacation Coincided With Expiration of Alleged Botox Shots
- See Campaign 2004
Arnold Enjoying His Sexual Harassment Classes
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose past behavior with women raised a furor during his campaign last fall, has begun taking sexual harassment classes, and early indications are he's enjoying the classes very much, according to a government source in Sacramento. "Arnold had to work on his technique," said the source. "He was all brawn and no brains, all push and no pull. The classes are helpful to him because they incorporate a multi-step process for committing sexual harassment: Step One, engage in friendly conversation with the woman, perhaps even suggest you are interested in something other than her body. Step Two, begin listening extra close to see if she leaves herself open for unwanted remarks. Step Three, if she does say something that creates an opening, sieze the opportunity by making a suggestive comment. If she doesn't, go to Step Four, which is: drop your pencil on the floor. Step Five is when she bends over to pick it up for you, and you finally have your chance to grab a hold of that nice, firm buttocks." When asked whether he planned to continue taking the classes, Schwarzenegger smiled and said, "I'll be back."
