See Span Run

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September 12 -19, 2002

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September 11, 2001

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


"Political Site of the Day!"
               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

Cheney Remains At Secure, Undisrobed Location 

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer acknowledged today that despite the passing of the one-year anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, Vice President Dick Cheney remains in a secure, "un-disrobed" location, ready-and-waiting with a glass of Chardonnay in his hand, lounging in his 60's bean-bag chair and sporting a look on his face that says:  "Here it is, baby... come and get it..." Fleischer said the Vice President decided to take a break from all the discussion about a war with Iraq and retreat to his "secure, un-disrobed" location, where he anxiously awaits "some action..." 

Reno Blames Loss on Florida's New "Drive-By Voting" System

Former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno won't be the next governor of Florida, thanks to what she says are "fatal flaws" with the state's new "drive-by" voting system.  "I pulled up over the curb, damaging my new Firestone radial tires, and I still couldn't reach the voting box to place my ballot.  Now if I have that much trouble, think how much trouble an elderly person with arthritis would have!"  The system, which was put into place after the 2000 presidential election fiasco, was supposed to make it easier for people to vote by enabling them to drive up to a voting box in their vehicles and deposit their ballots, much like how many people currently deposit their mail.  However, unlike the U.S. Postal Service's mail boxes, the new Florida voting boxes are for some reason stationed six feet away from the street curb, meaning that potential voters can't reach the boxes from their cars and wind up dropping the ballots on the street, where other vehicles run them over repeatedly and render them useless.

Florida Seniors Confused By Omission of Buchanan on Ballot 

Several of Florida's elderly voters feel they've been shafted again by the state's complicated voting procedures.  This year, countless seniors were confused by the omission of TV commentator and former presidential candidate Pat Buchanan from the ballot.  "I went into that booth determined to avoid accidentally voting for Mr. Buchanan, like I did last time," said Louise Varicose of Broward County.  "But when I began looking over the ballot, his name wasn't even on it!  I became so confused that I just voted for the first name that I saw!"  Ms. Varicose is considering filing suit on grounds that the state government should be held accountable for the fact that she is stupid as shit...

Actor Nick Nolte Discovers Electricity

Story at 11...