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September 11, 2001

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


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               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

Al Qaeda Denies They're the "Buster Douglas" of Terrorism 

A spokesman for al Qaeda today vehemently denied comparisons between the terrorist group and former heavyweight champion James "Buster" Douglas, who rose from obscurity to knock out the once-invincible Mike Tyson and then was never heard from again.  "We will knock out Tyson twelve times and eat his children, God willing," said spokesman Sulaiman Abu Ghaithis, whose name is not pronouncable in any language.  Ghaithis refused to comment on mounting criticism in the religious fanatical community about al Qaeda's lack of follow-up to the September 11 attacks and the subsequent U.S. military campaign in Afghanistan.  "The day of reckoning is here... the flames of Hell will rise up and burn Mike Ty- er, the evil infidels right on the ass!!!"  The U.S., meanwhile, is privately hoping that they won't be compared to Tyson, who had the whole world at his feet, but threw it all away because of arrogance, stupidity, carelessness in not taking his opponents seriously, and chronic bickering with people in his own inner circle... 

NOW Joins Anti-Terror Fight After Militants Insist Women Wear Burqas To Abortion Clinics

The National Organization for Women has officially signed on to the war on terror, the group announced today, in response to a recent al Qaeda directive that any woman seeking an abortion must wear a burqa to the clinic.   "We've long been appalled at the way these terrorists treat women, particularly women of Muslim faith," said NOW president Patricia Ireland.   "But this is the final straw.  This enemy must be stopped, and we must use all resources at our disposal to bring them down -- just as long as it doesn't cut into funding for any women's programs."  

Court Rules Pledge Must Be Changed To "One Nation, Under Mapplethorpe"

The same San Francisco federal court that recently ruled the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional, is now suggesting a remedy for the situation: replacing the controversial words "one nation, under God" to "one nation, under Mapplethorpe."   Circuit Judge Alfred T. Goodwin, in explaining his proposed remedy, wrote:  "Look, there's a simple way to keep the pledge constitutional, but we have to keep God out of it.  And what better substitution than to pay tribute to a brilliant artist who painted wonderful portraits of men's butts..."