See Span Run
AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY
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December 13 - 20, 2001
September 11, 2001
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What the Critics Are Saying About See
Span Run:
"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking
out."
--NBCi
"Political Site of the Day!"
--Aboutpolitics.com
"A total piece of shit!"
--Sharon H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
Another American Taliban Captured
U.S. forces have captured another Taliban fighter who says he is an American. Jimmie "J.J." Walker (pictured at left upon being discovered by Northern Alliance troops) was captured near Tora Bora in eastern Afghanistan yesterday and placed in the same prison as 20-year-old Johnny Walker, the first American captured last week. Military officials said that when J.J. Walker entered Johnny Walker's cell, the younger Walker declared, "Praise Allah!" to which J.J. Walker responded: "Dy-no-mite!!!"
White House Releases Tape Showing bin Laden Beating Rodney King
The White House has released another home videotape of Osama bin Laden, this time showing the terrorist leader and his al Quaida henchmen kicking and beating an incoherent Rodney King, whose battered vehicle had broken down outside bin Laden's cave in Afghanistan. "Death to America! Death to doped-up repeat offenders!" screamed bin Laden and his lieutenants as they hit King repeatedly with their sandals and cave sticks...
ACLU Declares Country Safe; Scolds Ashcroft For Hindering Civil Liberties
The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that the United States is totally safe and not a target of crazed terrorists intent on bringing about the country's total destruction, and called for Attorney General John Ashcroft to "back off" and stop wiretapping the phone conversations of middle eastern men who are interested in learning about crop-dusting. "It's been three months, for cryin' out loud!" ACLU president Nadine Strossen complained to reporters gathered inside her office. "Obviously, the terrorists have gone away... why all the extra caution???" Strossen then paused to observe a small, glowing mushroom cloud rising outside her window...
Woman With Nose Ring Searching For Missing House Key
The 24-year-old woman with a pierced septum whose two-week battle with a crusty boogar (See Last Week's News) ended triumphantly when a mega-sneeze sent the crustacean sailing across the room and onto a hanging plant in her parents' sunroom, now has another problem: her house key is missing. "I've looked everywhere -- I can't find it," she wailed, choosing not to listen to the half-dozen friends and family members who tried to tell her the key was hanging innocently from the ring in her nose...