AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER

June 13 - July 20, 2001

This Week:

• LAST YEAR ON THIS DATE... "Miami Weeps as Elian Leaves Chaos, Instability of U.S. for King's Riches in Cuba"

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


"Political Site of the Day!"
               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

Mississippi To Surrender To Union Troops  

Mississippi 8th Infantry General Miles Standoff has reportedly decided to surrender to Union troops after a 136-year impasse, a Jackson, MS newspaper reported yesterday.  Standoff, the great-great-great grandson of Civil War hero Noah Standoff, issued a terse, one paragraph statement to local reporters last Saturday which read:  "After a lengthy inventory of our casualties, the great State of Mississippi reluctantly has decided on a cease-fire." Standoff never actually used the word "surrender" in the agreement, and allegedly warned the late Union General William T. Sherman that if Yankee troops were ever spotted in Mississippi, "there's sure to be a tree branch with a rope and noose just waitin' for y'all."  Of course, Sherman had no comment on Standoff's alleged threat, having been dead for over a century...

Rosie O'Donnell Arrested At NRA Protest

Talk show host Rosie O'Donnell was allegedly arrested outside the Boise Idaho Convention Center last week for her part in a rowdy protest of the National Rifle Association's annual meeting.  Boise Police Sergeant  Hector Papacabeza said, "Ms. O'Donnell was one of 11 individuals we took into custody for vandalism and looting of a local barbecue restaurant.  Ms. O'Donnell surrendered to authorities peacefully and without incident -- except when she burst into a totally unnecessary rendition of the song 'Oklahoma.'" If convicted, O'Donnell faces up to six months on Weight Watchers...

Backstreet Boys To Appear In New Ad Campaign for Grecian Formula

The teen idol group Backstreet Boys has signed on to appear in a series of spots for Grecian Formula, Crane's Advertising magazine reported this week.  The five-member group, who has seen sales of their CDs slump with each new wrinkle that appears on AJ's face, decided the time was right for turning to Madison Avenue in an attempt to jump-start their sagging career.   "I woke up last week and looked in the mirror and there it was --  a big streak of gray!" said Backstreet heartthrob Kevin Richardson.     "I always vowed I would never promote a product I didn't believe in, and baby, I believe in Grecian... I mean, how else am I gonna keep getting laid at these damn proms?"